Swap 'Em
by E.Mahiru
Summary: This is a challenge fic! See my profile for challenge guidelines! Characters are randomly swapped out! Crossovers from everything I can think of! Read Sesshomaru'sSaphireMaiden 's take on this challenge as well and compare! GORGONZOLA
1. Chapter 1

**Here's my first challenge-fic! My sister Sesshomaru'sSaphireMaiden and I thought of this together. The challenge is called "SWAP". Choose moments in any manga/anime and swap the main character in that scene out with someone else! Randomly!**

**PROLOGUE:**

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere in the heavens resides a goddess with a very unique power. When she should ever say the word "Swap!" Two people will switch places. From across countries, across the earth, from different planets and different dimensions they all come to heed her cry. They do not know one another, nor will they meet in their switching about._

_To undo this mix-up, she need only cry the word again._

When she offered me a chance to take her place so that she could go on vacation, I had no idea the results could be so drastic.

It doesn't take much swapping out to mess up a plotline!


	2. Swap 1

**This one's a FullMetal Alchemist Lord of the Rings crossover! Spoilers from volume six of the manga, chapter 23.**

**Pairings: None**

**Rated: T for scary alchemy

* * *

**

"AL!!" Ed reached out to grab his little brother who's body was disappearing only to have his leg disintegrate under him.

'It's a rebound!!'

**"ED! HELP ME! ED! PLEASE!!"**

**"AL-------------------!!!"**

**KRAK**

Ed looked around.

"...Al? Where am I? What was I just doing? Hey, Al?"

"Hello."

"Who's there?" Ed spun around.

* * *

**"SWAP! "

* * *

**

_"I am. I'm right in front of you, alchemist."_

Pippin stared blankly at the white form in front of him.

"Alchemist?...Ya mean the ones who kin turn lead into gold?"

_"Of course, little alchemist. But don't...you...wonder who I am?"_ The Truth was confused. He couldn't tell if maybe there was something wrong with the picture in front of him.

"Very true! Who are you?" Pippin asked genially.

_"I'm what you would call The World."_ The thing began, chuckling to himself.

"_Or The Universe, Or God, Or Truth, Or All, Or One. And_," it raised a finger to point straight at the young hobbit

**"_I'm You." _**

"What the heck are ye ta-"

_"Welcome, you arrogant fool."_

"Now, wait just a minute."

_"Hush now. This is what you've been longing for, isn't it?_

_I'll show you the Truth."_

"What? Ye mean how to turn lead into gold?"

_"Wha-. Don't you already know how to do that, alchemist?"_

"Nope. I don' think so."

_"But you performed human alchemy! Making gold is a simple thing in comparison!"_ The Truth couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with the little guy.

* * *

Meanwhile

"Whoa!" Ed careened out of a hobbit's way only to be grabbed by the wrist

"C'mon Pippin! Get a big one!"

"What?"

"A big firecracker!" Merry turned around.

"AAAAAAH! Where's Pippin?"

"YIKES! I don't know! Where am I? Is this the other side of the Gate?"

"What?"

"Meriadoc Brandybuck! Get yourself away from my cart!" Gandalf brandished his staff and Meriadoc fled, leaving Ed to stare up at the immensely tall wizard.

"Who are you, little one? You don't look related to anyone here, with those gold eyes." Gandalf knelt down.

"I-! I don't know where I am! One minute I'm with Al and then-AL! Where's Al!"

"Al who?"

"Alphonse, my brother!"

"Well then little one, let's find him. What does he look like?"

"No, you don't understand! I don't know where he is!"

"Come on little hobbit."

"NO! AL!!!" Ed screamed, frightened by the unfamiliar surroundings and thoughts of his brother disappearing.

* * *

**"SWAP!"

* * *

**

_'Don't start screaming again, just get out of here. I don't know what you did or what you want, but I'm tired of you._' The Truth waved Ed back down to earth in annoyance.

_'...Wait a minute. That one...did he just do a human transmutation?! Wait a minute! ARRRGH!'_ It was too late now.

* * *

Meanwhile

"Don't scream, little-" Gandalf stared. Why was he talking to Peregrine Took in such a way?

"Ah! Gandalf! There was someone..." Pippin peered around "There was someone who could turn lead into gold...wait! He said I could too!" Before Gandalf could utter a confused word, Pippin ran off in search of Merry and some lead.

**-------------------------**

**How was that ? Any questions? Hope you liked it! There should be some more soon! R&R please.**

**Arigatoo gozaimasu**


	3. Swap 2

**FullMetal Alchemist Vampire Game Crossover**

**Rated: T for Suggestive Stuff and Language, Plus people getting drunk.**

**Pairings: Ishtar/Roy? **

**Spoilers from FullMetal volume 2; Vampire Game Volume 9**

**-------------------------**

"Captain, you sure this was a good idea? I mean, we can barely keep her from dancing on the tables and making a complete ass out of herself when she's sober." Jill whispered to Darres as they watched Ishtar and Vord slamming back shots of meade.

"C'mon! You're talking about it like it's a bad thing! If we had tried to stop her, she would've snuck out. So we might as well sit back and enjoy the show! Besides, the rate I'm putting these back, Ishtar won't be the only one dancing on tables." Krai replied. "You see, Jill, you need to learn to let loose every now and then. Life's too short to spend all of it sober. Getting drunk is good for the soul. And _my _soul is just about pristine!" he continued. Darres remained mute as he watched his charge. Krai opened his mouth again.

"You know Captain...I must admit that I've changed my mind about Vord. He would be a good match for Ishtar."

"Well," Jill began "...I can't see her hooking up with the prince of Zi Alda. The princess isn't the type to share her king with half of Pheliosta. And the prince of Mil Seii? Not exactly her type...And for that he should be proud. So out of the three princes of La Naan...Sir Vord is capable of carrying on a conversation and he doesn't wear a dress. The guy gets my vote!" Darres continued to watch Ishtar laugh her head off at something Vord must have said. He was not about to get drawn into the conversation.

--

_'Most of the time this guy opens his mouth, it's to belch, and the few times he has tried to speak he's been utterly incoherent...Which come to think of it, isn't all that different from Ishtar. They're both totally sloshed.' _Leene thought to herself. She was interrupted by Ishtar's loud shout

"Hey, Vord! Bottoms up, you lightweight!!"

"Nah, I'm done." Vord tried to back out.

"What?! You can't be done!" Ishtar stood up and screamed to the whole place. "What sort of man quits after eight pints?! You drink like a little girl!" She turned back to Vord suddenly to scream "You are a little girl, aren't you?! You're really Princess Vord! That's why you liked me better when you thought Duzie was me!!!!" Duzell, in his cat-form, looked extremely embarrassed and irritated.

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**"SWAP!"**

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Vord stared at Edward. Ed stared back. _'What the-Did Roy just...What the-' _

Meanwhile, Vord was thinking '_What am I doing? Am I drunk? Yes. I thought this girl was Ishtar. Oh well, she's better looking than the princess...AH! What am I thinking? I MUST be drunk.' _Drunken as he was, he tried to remember the last thing he'd meant to say and repeated it.

"Princess, that's the first time...I've ever been accused of homosexuality, necrophilia and bestiality, all in the same breath. And that's saying something." Vord paused, thinking '_Oh My God. What did I just say to this girl? Was she flirting with me before? I can't remember. Was I flirting with her?'_

Ed gave Vord a look that told him he was a mental orangutang. Vord got the message.

"Look, I'm sorry Babe. What's your name again?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A GIRL?!"

"What? WHOA! I WAS FLIRTING WITH A GUY? MAYBE I AM HOMOSEXUAL! AAAAAAAAH" Drunk as he was, Vord started acting like an idiot and screaming incoherently as he ran around the room knocking over tables. With Vord out of his line of sight, Darres realized Ishtar was missing. '_CRAP! Ishtar's missing and DRUNK!'_

Ed jumped up on the table to scream after Vord "WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT FLIRTING YOU STUPID HELMET-HEAD!"

Duzell, who had been shying away from Vord, now realized the same thing that Darres had. Ishtar wasn't there. Either that, or all the meade had jogged her memory of a spell on how to turn herself into a boy. But why so short? Wait...That was a Vampire Spell. Ishtar couldn't have known it, right? Vord continued screaming all sorts of inappropriate things that everyone who knew him _wished_ were less coherent, while Ed retorted to every single bit of it in his loudest, ear-splitting voice.

Meanwhile

"What the hell did you just say to me, FullMetal?"

"What? Oh...Uh...C'MON! SHOW THISH LITTLE GIRLY MAN HOW A REAL LADY DRINKS! DRINK UP! LESSEE YOU POUND 'EM, SISTER!"

"WHAT?" Roy snapped, standing up. Wait a minute...who was he talking to? Was it just him or did FullMetal look funny today?

"I DONT--HIC!-- HAVE TO REMIND YOU THAT IT'S TREASHON TO DISHOBEY A ROYAL DECREE." Ishtar growled loudly.

"EXCUSE ME?" Roy couldn't understand what Ed thought he was doing. Was he drunk?

"You are part of this military..." Roy wasn't sure where he was going with this, but he decided he'd at least better finish that sentence somehow.

"So you don't drink unless I tell you to!"

"I don' think sho! Only Darresh can tell me what to do!"

"Have you forgotten your place, FullMetal?!" Roy roared. He was now aware that he didn't understand a word Ed was saying and that he was probably not helping but...

"Maybe I should torch you!"

"NOO NOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M ALREADY SLOSHED! TOTALLY!" Ishtar nodded her head and screamed again "TOOOOOOOO**OO**TALLY SLOSHED! TOOTALLY TOOOOOOTALLLLLLEEEEE..." She fell over and puked on Roy's carpet. Roy gaped. He ran over to the other side of his desk to lift his limp subordinates' head.

-----------

**"SWAP!"**

**-----------**

Roy grabbed the hanging blond head and jerked it up to look at him.

"Yeeaagh! What the hell are you doing, Roy?! Wait. Where am I?"

"FullMetal? You look normal, don't you?"

"What? Of course...but..."

"DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME TO GET DRUNK AGAIN YOU LITTLE WEIRDO!" Roy snapped.

"I NEVER TOLD YOU TO GET DRUNK YOU OLD COLONEL BASTARD! **AND DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!"** Ed paused for breath "AND LET GO OF MY HEAD!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T TELL ME TO GET DRUNK?"

"I **_SAID_** I NEVER TOLD YOU TO GET DRUNK!"

"YOU DID TOO!"

"I NEVER DID!"

"YES YOU DID!"

"NO I DIDN'T!"

Hawkeye slammed in with her gun cocked.

"_NO ONE. _Is getting drunk tonight. Got it? BACK to work_, NOW." _BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM! Ed ran out of the room and Roy ducked under his desk.

Meanwhile

"ISHTAR? WHEN DID YOU GET BACK?" Leene screamed as Ishtar screamed at Vord from atop a table.

"WHADDAYA MEAN-BLEAAARGHGH." She puked on Vord's head as he tried to knock over the table she was standing on.

"OK, that's definitely our cue." Krai said. Jill and Darres nodded and the three dove into the middle of Vord and Ishtar to try to drag them home.

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**Oh yeah, and in case you haven't noticed, it's a running theme here that some people don't notice when people get swapped. So, Roy's not retarded...he's just going insane from having to submit to my will! hahahaha!**


	4. Scar Goes Nuts

**Alright! Another completely and utterly ridiculous SWAP!! GET READY!**

**This is a FullMetal Alchemist InuYasha swap, I am a...not quite a Kagome basher, but I certainly don't care much for her and it shows here, so don't flame me 'cause I did warn you.**

**Rated...I guess T for a sparse scattering of damn's.**

**-----------------**

I'll give you a moment to pray."

"Sorry to disappoint you...But there's no God that I feel like praying to." Ed's bangs fell over his face, head hanging. His shoulder felt like it was ready to explode. He was useless without his automail arm.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Am I the only one you're after? ...My younger brother, Al...Are you going to kill him too?" The boy asked miserably.

"If anyone gets in my way I will eliminate them...But right now I only have business with you, the FullMetal Alchemist."

"All right then promise me." Edward snarled. "Promise me you won't touch my brother."

"I promise."

"Ed..." Alphonse couldn't believe what he was seeing, his brother getting ready to die there on his knees in front of the dark-skinned man.

"EDWARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! RUN! NO! PLEASE DO'NT KILL HIM! GET UP! RUN! GET OUT OF THERE! **_NOOOOO!_**"

Al was helpless to watch the scarred man's hand descend toward Ed's wet blond bangs.

**SWAP! **

Ed felt the brick under his hands and knees disappear in favor of soft dirt. Looking quickly around, he saw it was a bright clear day and there was green grass everywhere. He saw a well to his right and peered into it. Suddenly someone behind him spoke in a very childish voice.

"Kagome! Is that you? Did you bring more lollipops?"

Ed turned from the well, frowning. A tiny boy with bright orange hair and a fluffy tail, dressed in ridiculous clothing was running, if it could be called that, toward him.

"Whoa! You're not Kagome! Who are you? And waht have you done with Kagome-chan?" The mutant thing suddenly demanded. A thought dawned on Ed and he screamed.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE A CHIMERA!"

The fox demon jumped back and started crying. "WAAAAAH!"

Meanwhile

Kagome sighed after hefting her pack out of the well, only to trip on something, crashing to her knees.

"Yeeowch!"

"What?" A man's deep voice came from above her head and she felt his hand touching her hair.

"Enoug-What! Where'd Ed go?" Roy stopped just short of pulling the trigger.

Scar, surprised as he was, simply continued what he'd been doing and accidentally blew the girl's head up.

**SWAP!**

"Who are you? I am a monk-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Miroku screamed when the VERY WEIRD boy he was questioning suddenly blew up, splattering him with icky stuff. As InuYasha cracked his claws in distaste of the trick he thought had been played on him, they suddenly realized tha Kagome's headless body was lying in front of them. After a few tierrified moments of silence, InuYasha said "Well...I guess she won't mind if I decide I like Kikyo better now, huh?"

Meanwhile

"You damn alchemist!"

Ed looked up at Scar's frustrated exclamation.

"Stop messing wtih me! I thought I blew you up already!!" The man waved his hands in the air and Ed stared at him.

"Edward! Get behind me!" Roy snapped. Ed took it literally and hid behind Roy, afraid of Scar's ranting.

"I mean, I ask for a little revenge! Is that so much? Just a little sweet revenge uninterrupted by the car needing new tires and the washing machine breaking down and the credit card bills for all my damn $142 sunglasses!"

"We'll let the insane asylum deal with him now." Roy smirked. Ed nodded.

**------------**


End file.
